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I will breathe still

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It's become clear that he doesn't know what he wants..
not just with me but with his life. I suppose i should have caught on a few months ago when he started talking about how he wasn't where he wanted to be in life right now. After trying and trying to be there for him i realized that what he needs is space...time to think and figure his life out....figure out for homeself what an amazing life God has given him. Even though things arn't going the way that he planned things are going the way that God is planning for him....he still needs to go through some things to make him stronger...i can't help him see that, he has to see for himself.
Im going to give him his space...let him do him for a while...let him chase me...if he wants to be with me he'll ask. other than that i'll just do me too.

i see his potential...i just wish that he did

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This is insane. I feel like i have to treat her like the child when really shouldn't it be the other way around?

I love and hate this time of year. I love the decorations and the songs. I love buying people gifts and seeing the looks on their faces when they see what it is they have gotten.

It all kind of diasappears when she makes so many problems that i can't seem to focus on what i love about Christmas. What starts out as fun and excitement ends up turning into stress, anxiety, and a massive need for headache medicine as i continually wish for the season to be over so i don't have to deal with her messes.

It's not fair to him either. Half the time i wonder why he is even still with me when he sees how crazy she makes me. I would have been scared away. I'm sure most people would. She makes me so upset normally that the thought of how i act around this time of year is unfathomable.

I do wonder sometimes about the way things look through his eyes. If he thinks that i am just as crazy as her. I wonder if he sometimes fears ill end up like her. Always looking for a fight and always finding something wrong in everyone. Sometimes i stay up at night just thinking about it and allowing it to fill my head so much that i cant sleep the rest of the night. Ill end up only with an hour or two of sleep. Then im tired the next night by 8.

But once i clear my head i realize that im so stupid and that if he really thought i was going to end up like her he wouldn't be with me now right? He wouldn't have just spent the last year and a half telling me he loved me and being with me. He doesn't deserve to have to deal with all this and yet he does....for me.

He is the most wonderful man i have ever met...and he chose me. Crazy mother and all...

Is it normal for me to feel like this? With all these questions buzzing around in my head?

Is this the start of my maddness?

Lord, i truly need your guidance more than ever.
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I used to post in this every single time i had the slightest thought about anything. If I had a picture to update that i had only taken 2 hours earlier. I used to take the simplist moment and think it was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. Going to playgrounds with my best friend and watching the sunset while enjoying the summer air all around me. When did everything become so serious? I know it's all part of growing up but why can't i grow up and still enjoy the little things that made my world go 'round?

Don't get me wrong...I love where I am and I love what I have learned thoughout the years. I wouldn't be who I am now without that.

Throughout thinking about all of this I can't help but think about how God really has written eternity in our hearts. And throughout thinking about all of this God has really shown me that even though I change, my life changes, my friends change, We all grow up, the world around us forever changes, God never does. He has always been, still is, and always will be this amazing God who gave his only Son to save me, to save us. People who are unsure, people who who breaks easily, people who second guesses, people who sin against him. He chose us and I can't help but praise Him.

To be the hands and feet of Jesus. I can't wait to be there with him when my life on this world is complete. I can't wait to stand before God and hear him say to me "Well done my good and faithful servant." Until then I will praise, and I will pray. I will give my life to him. Let it be completly in his hands. He is True Love.

"COME CLOSE LISTEN TO THE STORY
ABOUT A LOVE MORE FAITHFUL THAN THE MORNING
THE FATHER GAVE HIS ONLY SON JUST TO SAVE US

THE EARTH WAS SHAKING IN THE DARK
ALL CREATION FELT THE FATHER'S BROKEN HEART
TEARS WERE FILLING HEAVEN'S EYES
THE DAY THAT TRUE LOVE DIED
THE DAY THAT TRUE LOVE DIED
WHEN BLOOD AND WATER HIT THE GROUND
WALLS WE COULDN'T MOVE CAME CRASHING DOWN
WE WERE FREE AND MADE ALIVE
THE DAY THAT TRUE LOVE DIED
THE DAY THAT TRUE LOVE DIED

SEARCH YOUR HEART YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T DENY IT
LOSE YOUR LIFE JUST SO YOU CAN FIND IT
THE FATHER GAVE HIS ONLY SON JUST TO SAVE US

THE EARTH WAS SHAKING IN THE DARK
ALL CREATION FELT THE FATHER'S BROKEN HEART
TEARS WERE FILLING HEAVEN'S EYES
THE DAY THAT TRUE LOVE DIED
THE DAY THAT TRUE LOVE DIED
WHEN BLOOD AND WATER HIT THE GROUND
WALLS WE COULDN'T MOVE CAME CRASHING DOWN
WE WERE FREE AND MADE ALIVE
THE DAY THAT TRUE LOVE DIED
THE DAY THAT TRUE LOVE DIED

NOW JESUS IS ALIVE
JESUS IS ALIVE
JESUS IS ALIVE
JESUS IS ALIVE
JESUS IS ALIVE
OH HE IS ALIVE
HE ROSE AGAIN

WHEN BLOOD AND WATER HIT THE GROUND
WALLS WE COULDN'T MOVE CAME CRASHING DOWN
WE WERE FREE AND MADE ALIVE
THE DAY THAT TRUE LOVE DIED
THE DAY THAT TRUE LOVE DIED

COME CLOSE LISTEN TO THE STORY"

True Love- Phil Wickham
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so basically....my life is a million times different...and now that today happened its even more different than it was yesterday.

Yesterday i was a cosmetology student ready to get out of school and graduate. today i am a cosmetology graduate ready to take my state boards to get my license.

a year ago i was just starting school at David Pressley School of Cosmetology wondering if i would even be able to make it. Today i am more certain than ever that i am on the path God has for me and that i can do anything as long as i put my mind to it and it is in his awesome plan for me.

Two years ago i had no idea what i wanted to do with my life and i was a mess thinking that i had all the answers when i really knew nothing about life. Today i am more confident and certain than ever that this is what i want to do and God has provided me with a career that i love and i know this is what he has for me.

I am happy and I thank God so much for bringing me to the place that I am at in my life today. I look forward to seeing what else he has for me.

Today, October 20th, 2009 i graduated from cosmetology school with my future in sight and my mind set on what i want to do. Thank you SO much God for bringing me here and for providing me with the new life that i have in you!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!
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Three words

Best Date EVER!

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so everybody gets a snowday. LOHS has a snowday. OHS has a snowday. everyone has a snowday and yet i still have to drive all the way to OCC cause they cant close the school. i really dont want to go to school today. omg i reallllly dont want to.

Yesterday was an interesting day. i worked and then came home and took one long ass nap. after the nap i was bored and called a million people. i went out with michelle and lizzy in the end and we watched the super bowl at lizzys house. we basically watched for the commercials but then by the end we were pretty into it.
i wanted the bears to win, which of course they didnt. kinda up set i was. but as i was watching the game me and him were texting eachother throughout the whole thing. that made my night. i swear. i havent felt this way in so long. lol. the beginning that nervousness of liking someone. lol. i think that i kind of missed it a little. lol.

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I found out some pretty interesting things today





Why do people have to be such jackasses??

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I really miss the summer....

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Happy Halloween!!!♥
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